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Bhargavi Mc
Writing has been my favorite past time ever since i was a kid, i may not be good at it, yet I love doing it.... Hope you like my writing... I have a blog in word press.. with the following urllonelyheart2494.wordpress.com and lonelyheartpoems.wordpress.comHope you would love them too... :)
Bhargavi Mc
Death of First Love
can it die!
  16 Mins Read

The mild sun rays making their way through the window panel. It lets me know that I should get out of my bed and not pretend to be asleep. From the movement, I saw him lying in a pool of blood, my sleep abandoned me. He was my life, and that day he was brutally killed.

I wish I’d have been there earlier. It might have made all the difference. So all I can tell you is why he was murdered.

To reveal why he was killed, I need to say who he was to me. He was my nemesis in the eyes of the world, my best friend in the past, but for my heart, he was the only person I ever loved. When I was 16, the movement I saw him, my heart built a palace for him to reside. His eyes had the magic of his innocence. His smile had the power of spreading smiles around. His name was Nikil. I wanted to express my feelings since then, but with time he turned to be my best friend, our friendship was more precious for me than the feelings which he might laugh at. I can express my feelings in the form of a poem I wrote for him years ago but had no guts to let him know.

Sometimes my heart beats faster,

With the desire to tell you;

The three golden words.


Yet the fear of losing your friendship,

Pulls my soul back with the sadness,

Of never letting you know the truth.


You are the light of my eyes,

You are the heartbeat within me,

You are the smile on my lips.


If you leave me for loving you,

How can I live without you?

When you are everything to me. 


After our school, he drifted apart in miles and we got separated. Even though we continued our conversation with calls and messages every day, something was missing in our friendship. At that time, an angel came into his life, who became everything for him. I was no longer needed to him, I was just the tissue he used and threw it off into the dustbin. My heart was shattered. Anyways it was a big surprise for me. It was not his mistake for letting me go. Just like any other girlfriend, his Angel didn’t like another girl close to his heart. Accepting the truth that he was out of my life was tough for me. The heartbreak was more than I could handle. Moving on was the only option. He never left my heart, but I learned to live without his presence in my life. I concentrated on my career and life. After a few days, I met a handsome man and I was in a relationship. All my friends told me we are the best couple and we were looking good together. But still, my heart loved my best friend and not this man who is in my life. This man was my colleague and his name was Kiran. Kiran loved me but I just liked him. I did not have love feeling like I had it for my best friend. Yet I knew that the one person I loved was not the one who loved me back. Within no time, I got an invitation to my best friend's marriage. He is getting married to the same girl for whom our friendship broke apart. It was painful but I was happy for him. That same night when he sent me his invitation card for the marriage I was out on a date with Kiran in one of the restaurants in Bangalore. As I took my seat, I noticed her sitting at the opposite table with a man. But that man was not my best friend is what I could say. I thought she had come out with a friend. What I will get to check on her, thinking like that, I ignored at first. But later I saw that she kissed him and he kissed her back. Seeing that, I was in shock. Did I make the mistake of not recognizing Gopi, I wondered. Then I thought if it was him why not go and greet him. So I walked towards their table. I was right. He was not Gopi, it was someone else. What should I do? Is she not Gopi’s girlfriend Rashi? Or is it some sort of illusion? I moved towards their table, “Hi, are you Rashi?” “Yes?!”  There was confusion in her eyes, as she had never seen me in person. I thought of introducing myself as Gopi’s friend, but I withdrew, and I said. “Rashi, don’t you remember me?” “No, I am sorry I couldn’t recognize you?” “I am your college mate, Radha.”  I was not her college mate, but I knew all their friends from Gopi, I was shooting an arrow in the air. “Sorry, I didn’t get you.” “Radha, from CS” “Sorry Radha, I was from EEE.” “I know your Gopi’s classmate right.” “Yep Gopi’s classmate. Are you his friend?”  There was panic in her voice, as she got caught red-handed. “No, I am not his friend. I hate him, he shows off much, right?”  I noticed that there was a relief in her voice, listening to it. The man with her coughed suddenly. Then she introduced him to me saying, “This is Raman”  “Hi, Raman, is he your brother Rashi?”  I questioned intending to know the relationship between them. Raman spoke up immediately and said, “No, I am her boyfriend.” Deep down I was screaming. Who is Gopi then? the one you’re marrying in three weeks. Before I confront her about marriage with Gopi, she left with Raman making an excuse. When I returned to Kiran, he asked me with whom I was speaking. I told him that, “it was Rashi” “Then the man should be Gopi?” Kiran asked with an annoying child-like voice. “No, it was Raman, her boyfriend.” “What?” “Nothing Kiran” “Did they break up, but in the marriage invitation card, it is written as Gopi weds Rashi only.” He told this as he saw the invitation card Gopi had sent on my phone. I gestured saying I don't have any clue. “Whatever it is, promise me you’re not going to try to figure it out. I don’t want you to go through the trauma you went through in the past.” Our Dinner was done in no time and we were in our car, and I was lost in the past, It was three years ago, I returned to Bangalore after my first project from Pune. Just like today, I had seen Rashi with some boy. I was not sure, who he was and I didn’t even speak to her that day. I directly called my friend to say his girlfriend was cheating on him. But Gopi didn’t believe me. He told me that it was a misunderstanding. Later that evening I got a message from Parth, Gopi’s college mate, saying me that Rashi was wrong for him and I should let him know my feelings for him. It was not only Parth but most of them who told me how Rashi was wrong for him. The detective within me had got activated, I found her out on LinkedIn and texted her on a hangout to find her reality. She was smart too. Soon enough she found that it was me. Later that month, I received a call from one of my friends saying that I was going behind a boy who was committed. Gopi had spoken to a person who was a stranger to him but a good friend for me. According to Gopi, I was texting him with the wrong intention. I was flirting, I was irritating, I was a slut.” The word slut had caught me with a surprise. I hit my feeling for ages for safeguarding my friendship but he blamed me for things I never did. I could not understand anything, he was not the friend I loved that was what I understood. I blocked him on WhatsApp. I unfriended him on Facebook. We broke our friendship forever. It was the end of our friendship. Years had passed and I moved on. We connected again just with casual hey’s and

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