It’s a thundering night, with black clouds all over. Heavy rains throughout the city. Radha is sitting on top of a 10 story building in the corner. ‘2 to 5 seconds’ she kept repeating. She knew that that’s how much time she needs from going from Live to Dead status. All she needs is a little faith in herself to take the leap. (

Status huh?). 

Radha had a lot of naked pictures of herself in the middle of the goalpost with floodlights facing her. She wondered if it was only her friends and boyfriends there while getting those pictures clicked?. She felt so guilty about doing something like this. She imagined getting those pictures leaked or assuming someone else too clicked her pictures and was going to leak in their college group or even blackmail her. What are her relatives and family going to think? That is why she was thinking about suicide. Radha finished her exams yesterday and she and her friends decided to drink. Radha never drank before but she was very excited to drink because now she feels like an adult ready to step into the real world. Drinks, sex, smoking and going out without needing to ask for permission in the hostel, all these things felt surreal at the same time, she felt it was time she started experiencing one of the other.  Since it’s the last day for them, the hostel wardens usually go home and let students enjoy however they want. That’s what they say at least. But the real reason is, they fear that someone who holds a grudge against them may come and beat them and since it is the last day, there is hardly anything they could do, especially if they can’t identify who did it. Pooja and Kamala, Radha’s roommates brought Absolut Vodka and a few orange juices. All 3 of them are so close that it’s extended family to each other. They together bitched about everyone in their class, talked about their crushes & boyfriends. More specifically, Radha about her crushes and the other two about their boyfriends. Radha looks lean and in fact, many of their class boys think she is sexy. But in her own eyes, she feels she is just skinny and unattractive.  She had a lot of crushes over time but if someone approaches her. She would feel insecure that the guy approached will soon lose interest because he would know that she is not interesting enough. It was 8 pm, everyone in the hostel went to the ground which is roughly 60 acres. Few were roaming, few sat at the football ground, few in handball ground, few in volleyball ground, few went outside to party. Hardly anyone was left in the hostel. Radha, Pooja, and Kamala sat at their common table in the room. Put dim lights. Radha had never drunk before. Kamala came with a Vodka bottle with 3 glasses and Minute Maid orange juice. But she got up and kept going around the room thinking of something to say to Radha and Pooja but wouldn’t say. Radha asked Pooja - What are you waiting for? Did you call your boyfriend for the drinks? Please don’t say you did, I want only 3 of us to enjoy our last day at college. Pooja reacted to that statement saying - unless there is an orgy party here,  none of our boyfriends is being called here. Then made a big laugh thinking she made a nice bold joke. Then she remembered Radha doesn’t have a boyfriend. Then pooja immediately calmed down with guilt. Radha felt bad from the Inside but made a mild smile outside and diverted her attention to Kamala. Kamala looked tense. She asked Kamala if they are starting their drinks or not? And asked further about why she is looking tense? Kamala didn't know what to say, but she said. Look, my boyfriend gave me a psychedelic and said it’s a must-try for us, but he warned me not to mix it with drinks. I want to try this but I'm not sure which I want to try, drinking today or to try psychedelics.  Pooja without a blink said, whatever makes me horny, I would take it, I told my boyfriend I would meet him at 3.30 -4 am around and fuck. We wanted to have sex in our classroom, and that’s how we wanted to remember our last day here. She smiled proudly. Radha and Kamala weren’t surprised about it because she has been telling about this for a few weeks now.  Radha said, fine, we can get vodka anywhere, but we may not get whatever this psychedelic pill you are saying. Let’s go ahead and try? Also let’s drink and have it, what’s the most that can happen? I don’t think we would die out of this.

It was a stupid decision but when you are too young, you feel invincible to anything. That illusion is what makes people do crazy things. Doesn’t it?

First, they mixed some vodka and orange juice and drank but they did not feel much difference in their head. They looked at each other, decided to drink it directly and then all of them took 3 shots. Pooja felt too hot, she removed her t-shirt and threw it away on the bed. She looked at Kamala and said she always wanted to kiss her and confessed. Kamala leaned forward and kissed. Pooja embraced it. After the kiss, Kamala felt embarrassed. Pooja saw it and hugged her saying, thanks for the kiss and told them not to feel guilty about it. Kamala smiled shyly.  Radha is in shock but then laughs it off. Pooja asks, do you have any confessions? Radha says she doesn’t have any crush on either of them. But she said she wanted to click a naked picture of herself clicked in a public place. Pooja said - yeah,  in your dreams. Radha is already feeling very jealous of Pooja for being so bold about talking about her fantasies and actually having fun too. Radha decided, if she can’t do it today, she can’t do it again. Radha suggests they take the psychedelic now. Quickly the 3 of them took the pill. As soon as they took it, their minds started to cloud with darkness. Fast forward. In the morning. Radha is naked on her bed. Pooja’s and Kamala’s beds are together, both are naked along with their naked boyfriends but under the sheets. Radha quickly wore her undergarments, pyjamas and some t-shirt, slowly woke up Pooja and Kamala. They woke up and were shocked to see what happened. They had no clue. They quickly wore their dresses and woke their boyfriends up. Pooja’s boyfriend Harish. Kamala’s boyfriend Joseph woke up slowly saying good morning to them as if everything was normal and nothing happened.  Pooja asked, guys what the fuck happened? Why are we in our beds naked and how did you guys come? Rajesh and Joseph looked at each other shocked. Because before night these girls called and told them they wanted to have an orgy party and to come over to their room. For the rest was up for their own history’s well-kept secret. Radha panicked. She asked if she was involved with them too? Their boyfriends said, no she isn’t but it was her Idea of the Dare game. Dare game? Yes, the boys said in unison. Then they asked if the girls remembered anything from last night? No, the girls said in unison. Then asked what they did. Dare game -  Pooja - wanted to have an orgy, foursome. Kamala - To send her Novel to publishers which she was holding for 8 months by now. Radha - Get naked pictures clicked. She had this Idea for sitting under a goal post, legs spread open, her eyes looking into the sky, hands on the grass. It was evident that Pooja had what she needed.  Kamala checked her sent folder and there were 50 emails to 50 different publications. Radha checked her phone and there was a naked picture of her just like she wanted(or as the guys described how she wanted). Pooja said I wish I could remember what happened. This is one thing I wanted but never told anyone. But at least if it happened, I wish I remembered it. Both boys were in shock because Pooja was the most active throughout their 3-hour session. She was intimate with both the guys and Kamala.  Kamala panicked because she had only one shot to do it right and she is still not confident that her draft was good enough but she can’t do anything now. Radha panicked too and asked a lot of questions, how did they go from there? Who clicked her pictures? Did anyone be there while it happened? First, the boy told Radha everything went well and not to panic to Radha. Then they started narrating the night to 3 of them.  Before night after pooja and Kamala called the boys. They spoke and the girls told them they want to have the boldest Ideas they always wanted to do and decided it has to be done that night itself. First, they agreed to start with Radhas Idea then Kamalas and then Poojas Orgy Idea so they have enough time for the most fun part of the night.  Since people may see them walking through the ground, they thought they would walk around the campus and go to the farthest end of the campus. So they said they jumped the compound wall of the campus and walked right behind it so no one on the campus could see them. The campus was away from the city. They don’t have any problem with animals because the surrounding areas are very deserted. The only thing they thought they should be worried about is snakes but no one was in their right mind to think of them anyway. Then they walked to the extreme end of the campus where there is an abandoned football court. It was abandoned only because it was too far from their campus hostels and there are 4 football courts near to their hostels, out of which only 3 are occupied all the time. So no one even bothered to come this long even in peak times. The lights were on near the compound wall. This football field is near to it. She told me how she wants the pictures to come. She had the best camera and insisted they use only her phone. Both girls are close and trustable. These boys knew these girls for 3 years and were close enough to them. Also, they both knew they are living a dream come true night and didn't want to fuck it up. So they were on their best behaviour and were just following the instructions by the girls.  Radha got her pictures clicked, then they came back the same way they went. Worked on Kamala's emails to send to publishers. 3 of them logged in from Kamala's account(she put them on incognito and she typed the password to sign in from their devices). Within 40 minutes, they all together sent her Novel draft to 50 publications. Then 4 of them started their orgy party while Radha kept admiring her pictures and completely ignoring what was happening on the other two beds. This is what happened. The Boys concluded. Rajesh and Joseph are still surprised they don't remember anything and start to feel guilty if they had done it without their conscience? But they clearly didn't know they were on drugs. The girls were extra careful and clear about everything to the minutest details. . Anyway, they thought, they did not do anything wrong in their consciousness.  Boys bid goodbyes with hugs and kisses to their girlfriends and waved goodbye to Radha. Once they left, all of them looked at each other. Discussed if anything went wrong and assumed it’s all for good and even boys were wearing protection while it happened(or at least they said they did, so they had to believe them for now). Kamala and Pooja left in the afternoon to their hometowns but Radha had her train the next day. She was alone all afternoon and didn't know what to do. She tried to remember what happened the day before but hardly anything is coming to her mind.  In the evening she went to the top of her building. Sat there for 3 hours and it went pitch dark. She kept thinking of different scenarios of how things can go wrong with her pictures in case someone saw her naked and they too clicked her pictures. It started raining. She immediately moved below a water tank on the terrace. She thought what if I jump from here?  ‘2 to 5 seconds’ she thought. That’s all it takes for me to go from Live to Dead and think she doesn't need to deal with not just this uncertainty but any uncertainty.  But she knew she was thinking too much. She opened her Instagram to see pictures of her friends and last day goodbyes. She was tagged in at least 15 places and then she panicked. She opened all of them and saw all of them were very normal pictures tagged by others. She saw no pictures that she should be worried about. But she saw a red dot on her profile picture. She clicked on it. She saw a new handle added to her account. It has a picture of her from yesterday. It got 2560 followers and 3000 likes already from hashtags and there are few accounts that reposted her picture. She panicked but figured since she was looking up, no one would know it was her and they could only see the chin from her face and the rest of the body. She felt so good seeing a lot of people appreciating her body. All her insecurities are broken. Because people don’t know who she is. People are still appreciating her body.  She felt liberated and knew she was feeling more pride than guilt for uploading a naked picture. She wanted more of the feeling of that liberation, appreciation and pride she got after seeing the appreciation from people. She saw so many DMs asking for a shooting request and in fact, they would pay for the shoots. A lot of them are with fake names and pictures. But there are at least 5 accounts with 10k + followers and their models vouching for the photographers to be very professional. She thought, maybe it’s time for her to feel more liberated and explore another side of her. Or maybe the true side of her and show it to the people. She picked the one with the highest followers and replied she is ready for the shoot. She hardly knew that night that in the coming future, she would inspire a new generation of insecure girls and boys to show their skin and accept who they are. Kamala did get replies for two major publishing houses and went on to become a full-time writer while Pooja has become an Entrepreneur, Mom and evangelist for Queer groups. Little did they know, it needed a drug to unveil their true passion.

 But actually what they needed was a leap of faith.